Emotional Eating

I am trying to think of the best way to structure this post.  I do not want to hurt anyone's feelings, and I do not want to come across as an uncontrolling idiot.  Instead, I am just going to write.  There may be grammatical errors...there may be things repeated or even out of order. 

The most important thing, is that I just want to share and maybe there's someone out there who can relate to me...

I am an emotional eater.  Due to many reasons and things in my life, I am much better now than I used to be.  I was sitting down to gather research, and my stomach just hurt thinking about how I used to torture myself with thousands of calories in one sitting.  But maybe someone can read my story, relate, and learn from it.  I am not sure...

I can remember one night, I was working late at the gym, and there was a guy who was on the treadmill WAY past closing.  I had to wait on him to finish, shower, and leave.  I grew frustrated by the moment.  After I finally finished my shift, I was still so irritated!  I lived right next door to a Circle K, so I went in and grabbed a ton of bad food and ate it all in one night.  I grabbed a large box of hot tamales candy, a large bag of baked ruffles potato chips and french onion dip.  By the time I finished all of this, I'm sure it was 1 or 2 AM.  Not good.  This ended up being an estimated 2550 calories, 62g fat, 464g carbs and 25g protein.  Looking back, I don't know what I was thinking except I remember being so pissed from that guy staying past closing.  So I ate all of those calories just because of him...had to fight hard to work off those extra calories because of him...

There were several occasions where I bought a box of ice cream sandwiches to take home and eat.  My theory was that if I was going to be the only one eating them, why not eat them all in one night!?  Again, looking back this was crazy thinking...I always got a box of 6, which was 1080 calories, 36g fat, 162g carbs and 18g protein.  I ate these in probably an hour tops.  I even remember once I bought a box because I wanted ice cream sandwiches so badly.  So I took one out, and threw the other 5 in the garbage outside the grocery store.  This was crazy too because I wasted money, but at least those extra 5 didn't go on my waistline.

Running 10 miles burns off 1300 calories...and I know that I didn't run that long on any of these occasions.

I had the same theory when it came to goldfish crackers.  Mmmmm...those are delicious!!!  One small bag has 6 servings, which equals 840 calories, 30g fat, 120g carbs and 24g protein.  Once again, I probably ate these in an hour tops.  There were some cases where I portioned them into 6 servings for later, but later ended up being the same evening.  Other times, I'd just go into it knowing that I'd eat the whole bag. 

I still have these tendencies and I'm not perfect.  But I've learned to combat it by changing mentally, and also just not buying those bad foods.  I have other "trigger" foods, and I try not to keep them in the house either, especially since I work from home.  After awhile, if you don't eat them, they just don't sound good.  Plus, I keep myself busier and I do not live by myself anymore, so that helps a lot too.  I have goals and in order to reach them, I just cannot do this to myself. 

I may seem crazy, and I'm okay with that.  If you look down upon me for sharing this, I'm okay with that too.  This topic has been digging inside of me and I felt like it just had to be shared...